Unsolicited Advice: She Says, Party Like You’re Irish

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St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!!

I know, I know, by the time you read this, it will have already passed. And it was on a Tuesday this year which is not good for those of us who like to get our whiskey on. Unless you don’t have a job. And if you don’t, what are you doing spending your money on alcohol? Stop it. Get a job.

This year has been a good one for me so far. Two of my dear friends are getting married and decided to have their joint stag/hen party on St. Patrick’s day. Shenanigans abound! I was in Downtown Denver and drew inspiration from what I saw in the bars there to give you some good advice to heed for the next year.

So, here it is, my advice in the form of “do’s” and “don’ts” for all St. Patrick’s Day’s in your future. You’re welcome.

DO know your facts.

I had to work on St Paddy’s and was listening to the radio on my morning commute. The female DJ was talking about how great it was that St. Patrick’s day is the day to wear green, but this year she decided to do something different. She wore a snakeskin print shirt to work instead to honor the fact that St. Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland. She then went on to say how shocked she was to find out that this was actually not a fact, but a myth. Seriously??? How dumb can you be? That is like saying that the Pied Piper is real and can get rid of your pesky mouse problem by playing a flute. Next time, check your facts before you make a wardrobe choice that makes you look like an idiot. Oh, and don’t announce it on the radio. Just wear green like everyone else.

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…and with that said…

Don’t Over Do Your St. Patrick’s  Day Outfit.

A green shirt and a shamrock beaded necklace? Great! A beer shirt and a green bowler hat? Super! Full green body paint, flashing necklaces and a green afro wig? Oh, no! Full out leprechaun garb with tutu and gold tights? Yikes!

There is such a thing as going too far. I noticed that the ladies room line was longer than it should have been while I was at one particular bar in Denver. It was because the ladies ahead of me were having issues with their outfits. There were unitards and tutu’s everywhere. Not cool ladies, not cool. And fellas…. what can I say…. that green afro makes you look like a dickhead.

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Do Eat Some Tasty Irish Fare.

Irish food is wonderful. Why? Because it is all about the meat and potatoes. It is also about cooking things with one of my favorite ingredients: Beer. It is hard to find good Irish food here in Fort Collins so you might have to go to Boulder and check out Connor O’Neils. They are operated by an actual Irish family! It’s the real deal! Or, just cook at home. Either way, enjoying the cuisine of another culture is one of the best parts of this holiday.

DON”T Drink Green Beer!

Please, please, PLEASE don’t drink green beer. How much more American can we get than turning our disgusting light beer even MORE disgusting by adding green food dye? It is not festive, it is just gross. For the love of St. Patrick and everything that is holy, only drink IRISH BEER to celebrate this IRISH holiday. It is wonderful. What’s that? You don’t like Guinness? Guess what… THERE ARE OTHER KINDS OF IRISH BEER. Harp, Smithwicks, and Murphy’s are all good options. Or, just go straight for the Jameson, I recommend it with ginger ale.

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DO Watch How Much You are Drinking.

Seriously. No one likes a sloppy drunk. This is advice I want you to heed all year round. Especially if you are away from your own humble abode. I was recently a DD for some of my guy friends. It was like herding cats, and, I’m sorry, but there is a point where the level of beer and the level of aggression can come to a head. For no apparent reason. Keep it balanced, guys. It is no fun in the end for anyone. You too ladies. YOU TOO.

However you decide to celebrate St. Patrick and the holiday (which isn’t technically a holiday in our country) just be safe and don’t look like a dickhead. Oh, and eat the food. I am serious, it is delicious.

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