Question Of The Week: Will Too Much Sex Make Me Blind?

Dear Robyn and Skippy;

Here is what my love life currently looks like: Awkward small talk, lust, sex, sex, sex, small talk, some more sex. Dry spell. Repeat.

This is how I one day envision my love life: Commitment, trust, honesty, LOOOOOOOVE, sex (lots of sex), marriage, maybe babies.

Too Much Sex in Fort Collins

You’ll notice distinct differences, and some areas that are not so different. Here is the thing, I don’t think what I am doing is wrong. I don’t feel the guilt, shame, depression, or any of those things people say you will feel if you just casual have sex. Its not wrong! Its gratifying, joyful, and a great way to kill some time. I usually have one partner for a month or two, before life becomes complicated and we naturally move apart. I always use protection, and I know my partners well in the friendship lite variety. I don’t sleep with everyone I meet, and I stick to my standards (though lust has a way of shifting them.) I’ve met some great people, had some great times, and made a lot of friends.

I’m drawn towards the casual, because in all honesty, I just haven’t met anyone that really meets my standards AND pulls on my passionate lust strings. I think I’m a catch, but a girl has certain needs. Also, let me be honest with myself, commitment is terrifying to me. I’ll admit it. Love opens you up to a world of pain that casual sex can’t even fathom. I would much rather rush into sex, than a committed relationship.

However, like anything, the coin has two sides. Casual sex also means casual emotions, for me. Though I do feel like sex is an expression of intimacy, I am definitely not as attached or connected to my partners as much as would be needed to have a relationship. Its not an intimacy of emotion or sharing after all, just the expression of it through the physical means. I may even go so far as to say, I look for people I can be casual with in order to forgo any emotional intimacy. I build strong walls.

Basically, I feel like I’m setting up bad habits. Someday, I am going to want a strong connection of love, and I’m afraid I just won’t know where to start after all the casual expressions of love; I won’t know how to be intimate. I’m starting to worry those walls may become permanent, since they seem to be getting a lot of the energy I could put towards building something more permanent in my life.

What do you think? Do you think I’m dooming myself even though I’m enjoying what I’m doing? That I won’t even be able to SEE a good man if he comes my way, adrift as I am in all the mediocre? Does rushing into sex too soon hurt the chances of making a mental connection, or is all that “WAITING” stuff purely propaganda? Does emotional intimacy need to come before physical? Does taking the easy road mean I won’t be ready for the hard road? Like I said, as far as saying no and building the real deal, I don’t even know where to start!


At a Crossroads

Read Robyn’s response here: She Says: You Won’t Go Blind

Read Skippy’s response here: He Says: Time To Choose Your Destination

But for now leave your comments below.  What do you think?

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  • Angel K

    Um, At a Crossroads, please meet Skippy. You two are perfect for each other ;)

    • Skippy

      Yes, but only for a month or two. As if any woman could put up with me for even that long. *ha*

      • Angel K


        • Skippy

          I wouldn’t have sex with anyone who would have sex with me.