Question of the Week: How Can We Be Best Friends Again?

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Dear Robyn and Skippy,

I have two best friends who have been my best friends since we were seven years old. They are both like brothers to me. We are now in our late 20′s and life has gotten in the way of our friendship. One of them I am still pretty close to but the other one may as well be a stranger for all the effort he puts into our friendship. My situation is this:

About two years ago my friend got married, which of course does change your life but also changed our friendship forever. He had left Colorado to go to medical school in the south a couple of years prior. We were all very supportive of him. He has had a hard way in life suffering from Cerebral Palsy as well as other medical ailments. After he moved he became VERY religious. There is nothing wrong with that, he was religious before he just took it to another level. He decided to join a christian online dating site and wound up meeting a girl and marrying her within 9 months time. No, she was not pregnant. In fact, they decided they would wait to have sex until marriage even though they both were not virgins. They got married quickly because she refused to be engaged for more than six months and he decided they should have their wedding before he started his residency.

I flew out for the wedding and the whole thing was a nightmare. He ordered me around the entire time and expected me to do things like pack his suitcase for his honeymoon and pick up the flowers for the ceremony. Never once did he say thank you and the whole time being a total Dick about everything. He even went so far as to insult my girlfriend right in front of me. I decided to just let it go and talk to him after the whole ordeal was over. I did, about two weeks after the fact, and he did nothing to validate my feelings. He kept redirecting the conversation and telling me his own sob stories. You see, the first two weeks of marriage were rough and have not improved since.

Now it’s two years later and things are still tense. His marriage is less than ideal and he barely talks to me or our other best friend. His residency has not been going well and when I try to talk to him about other things, all conversations go back to him. Friendship is a two way street and we have detoured down a one way road. I don’t want to end our friendship, I value him and the years we have been close way too much. But, I can’t seem to communicate with him at all and we have a lot of hurt feelings to fix. How do I get our friendship back on the same page?

Thanks,

Bothered by Best Friend

 

Check back on Wednesday for Robyn’s advice and Friday for Skippy’s advice. Do you have any advice for Bothered by Best Friend? Leave your comments below!

 

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  • Wanda Bray

    This is a friendship that has to end…you have grown apart and its not ever going to be like it was in the past..