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Robyn’s Rant: Dogs, Disabilities and Deplorable Neighbors

This week I bring you something a little different:

Sometimes Skippy and I go through dry spells here at Ask Us where the people of Fort Collins just aren’t writing in. Then sometimes we get a lot of people writing in, but not really writing anything worth publishing. Sometimes we have good questions, sometime we don’t, and sometimes we come up with things like Robyn’s Rant just to make sure we have content. This is different. This man reached out to us because he wanted his story heard. I believe he deserves to be heard. Please read what he has to say and I will give my two cents at the end of his story. Believe me, it is gut wrenching.

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I’m medically disabled (chemically burned eyes, primary immune dysfunction, chronic neuropathic eye pain). I’m a former VP of Chico’s (ladies’ clothing) and Mothers Work (maternity clothing), and a former Director of Proflowers.com (e-commerce).

Moved into a brand new house in 2009, only to find that … the neighbors … mere feet away … had chronic, horrible, LOUD barking dogs.

The barking began to take my sleep and my health.

Repeated civil requests to the dog-owning neighbors got me nowhere.

Similar pleas for help to Animal Control, the Police, and the HOA property manager got me nowhere.

Once I reached out to the HOA, everything went downhill. They engaged in an ad hominem campaign, instead of looking into the problem.

And the barking wouldn’t stop.

barking dog

The City Mediator … turned out to be friends with the dog owners. She scheduled a mediation. My wife and I showed up at the mediation. Apparently, she had canceled the mediation but never told me.

My health … went rapidly downhill. Insomnia, repeated infections that wouldn’t respond to medication, medication reactions, exhaustion…..

Hired an attorney. Asked her if my status as a disabled person meant there were federal (FHA/ADA) issues. She said no.

[She was wrong ... as it turns out. HUD and a housing attorney later told me that. Too late.....]

Court ordered mediation. The HOA wouldn’t budge an inch or give a dollar. The judge-mediator assured me … we had a strong case — at least, one that would NEVER be thrown out in a Motion for Summary Judgment.

But it was thrown out … in a Motion for Summary Judgment … by a Judge who — I later found out — was married to a residential real estate developer’s sister, and whose daughter WAS the property manager FOR that family’s HOA’s.

The Judge awarded the HOA its legal fees. That took the rest of my life’s savings … and my health was in big trouble.

The Judge tossing my case also ‘emboldened’ neighbors, who began to torment and harass me. I filed several police reports against them. No action was taken by the Police.

In fact, when I told the police that I am “medically disabled, have a primary immune dysfunction, am in chronic pain,” and that “my health has been declining since this all started,” the officer — literally — laughed at me on the telephone, saying that it was “the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.”

I was afraid of further retaliation, and the Police weren’t going to help me.

I rarely left the house. When I did, I legally carried a gun that I had legally purchased. I had taken a 10hr course to train in its use. I’d never owned a gun before, but I was in fear for my safety.

Apparently, this didn’t sit well with the neighbors who began calling the Police, having seen me carrying a gun on my property.

One day … certain that nobody was around … I dared step outside to tend to my yard, openly carrying my pistol — legal in this town.

For several seconds, after the garden hose began leaking all over me, I had the pistol out of its holster, pointed at the ground, finger NOT on the trigger.

I looked down. I looked up. I set the hose down. I walked in the house, set the gun down, came back outside, turned off the hose, reeled it in, and went back inside.

Apparently, the prime villain in this story … had been hiding behind his house and his bushes, and snapping pics … with an eight-power telephoto lens … from over 150 feet away.

The pics describe exactly what I say.

BUT … we later found out … the Police TOLD this man to delete some of the pictures that he had taken. The District Attorney told my attorney this. The Police had suborned the destruction of evidence.

So … what was in fact perfectly innocent, looked incriminating. The pictures stop when I looked up for a brief second, with a pistol pointed down, at the ground, NO finger on the trigger, and NOT aware of another soul in sight.

I was arrested … by an entire SWAT team, including an armored vehicle and a sniper. I was jailed. I have never committed — nor been charged with — a crime, and they — in effect — sent the National Guard out to arrest me.

A Deferred Prosecution Agreement was reached. Among its conditions was a Gag Order, preventing me from speaking publicly about what happened to me.

For two years.

The Deferred Prosecution Agreement was lifted in September 2014.

But I’ve lost absolutely everything — my health, my functionality, my life’s savings, my house, and my marriage.

The blog post describes it in greater detail, AND links to a pile of relevant documents.

The story is worse than I can even tell it. The documents do a better job of laying out just what a horrible, orchestrated, years-long nightmare this was, how hard I tried, how civil I was, and how my health fell apart.

The medical files are NOT public, but I’d gladly send you a link to them. It’s heart-breaking.

I never did anything to anybody. Ever.

As the Court-ordered Forensic Psychologist concluded, I was civil, reasonable, and appropriate in pleading with them to quiet the dogs, just so I could sleep in my new house.

dogbark

Mine is a story of corruption, civil rights abuse, judicial misconduct, prosecutorial overreach, legal malpractice, and … I’ve lost track of how many other things.

If you look up Fort Collins, you’ll find it has its own history of such stories.

This time, though, they had leverage — a mechanism by which to silence the real victim (the Gag Order): the threat of Felony charges.

And the local newspaper — not surprisingly — won’t tell the REAL story.

I lost everything. I’m in big trouble … on numerous fronts. I need help.

My Two Cents:

The bottom line here, the foundation of this story, is bad pet owners; pretty simple for such a complex story that got WAY out of hand. What is so hard about training your dogs? So, not only is your dog not on a leash, but now we have to deal with people going against the dog barking ordinanceIt is not that hard to be a responsible pet owner, people!!! And if it is that hard, then you shouldn’t have pets. PERIOD. This conflict could have been resolved so simply; but it got way out of hand instead, and ruined a man’s life. Wonderful. WHAT THE FUCK.

The rest of the story weaves a complex tale of how horrible human beings can be and makes me not want to live on this planet anymore. To go so far as to carrying a gun, I don’t quite understand; but then again, I have never been that threatened before.

I believe that people who lash out like these people did to Neil are actually dealing with something else in their lives but find a victim to take it out on. This doesn’t mean it is OK. In fact, it is far from it. Selfish, bastard human beings make me sick; and to have them as your neighbors is even worse.

There are two sides to this story to be sure, but I can’t imagine the motivation behind ruining this man’s life could hold any merit against what he went through.

I literally feel sick to my stomach.

What lessons can we learn here? What can we do? Can we show a little compassion? Can’t we think before we act? How many more victims of bad neighbors are out there in Fort Collins? Who are these people who ruined this man’s life? What justice can be done now?

I would like to know more. And I would like some justice and relief to come to this victim of deplorable neighbors. What do you think? What can we do to help?

Please comment below, and then SHARE this post as much as possible.  Let’s get the word out about this and find out what others think!

 

And don’t forget to check back Friday to see what Skippy has to say.

badneighbor

 

 

 

This Week: Robyn Rants About Some Stuff

opinion

Hello and Happy Monday!

Robyn here.  Actually, I had a kind of shitty Monday but ended it well with happy hour and my best friend.  How was your Monday?

This week I will be bringing you another installment of Robyn’s Rant.  What is it about?  You will just have to tune in Wednesday to find out.  And, as per usual, Skippy will have his response to my rant on Friday.

Don’t miss it!

 

 

 

 

Unsolicited Advice: She Says, Party Like You’re Irish

eating-lucky-charms

St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!!

I know, I know, by the time you read this, it will have already passed. And it was on a Tuesday this year which is not good for those of us who like to get our whiskey on. Unless you don’t have a job. And if you don’t, what are you doing spending your money on alcohol? Stop it. Get a job.

This year has been a good one for me so far. Two of my dear friends are getting married and decided to have their joint stag/hen party on St. Patrick’s day. Shenanigans abound! I was in Downtown Denver and drew inspiration from what I saw in the bars there to give you some good advice to heed for the next year.

So, here it is, my advice in the form of “do’s” and “don’ts” for all St. Patrick’s Day’s in your future. You’re welcome.

DO know your facts.

I had to work on St Paddy’s and was listening to the radio on my morning commute. The female DJ was talking about how great it was that St. Patrick’s day is the day to wear green, but this year she decided to do something different. She wore a snakeskin print shirt to work instead to honor the fact that St. Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland. She then went on to say how shocked she was to find out that this was actually not a fact, but a myth. Seriously??? How dumb can you be? That is like saying that the Pied Piper is real and can get rid of your pesky mouse problem by playing a flute. Next time, check your facts before you make a wardrobe choice that makes you look like an idiot. Oh, and don’t announce it on the radio. Just wear green like everyone else.

snakes

…and with that said…

Don’t Over Do Your St. Patrick’s  Day Outfit.

A green shirt and a shamrock beaded necklace? Great! A beer shirt and a green bowler hat? Super! Full green body paint, flashing necklaces and a green afro wig? Oh, no! Full out leprechaun garb with tutu and gold tights? Yikes!

There is such a thing as going too far. I noticed that the ladies room line was longer than it should have been while I was at one particular bar in Denver. It was because the ladies ahead of me were having issues with their outfits. There were unitards and tutu’s everywhere. Not cool ladies, not cool. And fellas…. what can I say…. that green afro makes you look like a dickhead.

ireland

Do Eat Some Tasty Irish Fare.

Irish food is wonderful. Why? Because it is all about the meat and potatoes. It is also about cooking things with one of my favorite ingredients: Beer. It is hard to find good Irish food here in Fort Collins so you might have to go to Boulder and check out Connor O’Neils. They are operated by an actual Irish family! It’s the real deal! Or, just cook at home. Either way, enjoying the cuisine of another culture is one of the best parts of this holiday.

DON”T Drink Green Beer!

Please, please, PLEASE don’t drink green beer. How much more American can we get than turning our disgusting light beer even MORE disgusting by adding green food dye? It is not festive, it is just gross. For the love of St. Patrick and everything that is holy, only drink IRISH BEER to celebrate this IRISH holiday. It is wonderful. What’s that? You don’t like Guinness? Guess what… THERE ARE OTHER KINDS OF IRISH BEER. Harp, Smithwicks, and Murphy’s are all good options. Or, just go straight for the Jameson, I recommend it with ginger ale.

irish

DO Watch How Much You are Drinking.

Seriously. No one likes a sloppy drunk. This is advice I want you to heed all year round. Especially if you are away from your own humble abode. I was recently a DD for some of my guy friends. It was like herding cats, and, I’m sorry, but there is a point where the level of beer and the level of aggression can come to a head. For no apparent reason. Keep it balanced, guys. It is no fun in the end for anyone. You too ladies. YOU TOO.

However you decide to celebrate St. Patrick and the holiday (which isn’t technically a holiday in our country) just be safe and don’t look like a dickhead. Oh, and eat the food. I am serious, it is delicious.

Unsolicited Advice: Fifty Shades of Green

i had a lepricon in fort collins

St. Patrick’s Day has come and gone and try as I might I really don’t care. What is it with people who go through their lives looking for a reason to get drunk? That’s a rhetorical question. I know the answer.

Today’s unsolicited advice isn’t for all of you but it is for some of you.

I spent my St. Patrick’s Day at a party with friends where nobody got drunk because we all drink in moderation. We also celebrated a birthday a few days early with a delicious home-made chocolate cake. We also had a short discussion about important topics such as why kids these days are so stupid and how Obama doesn’t have any responsibility for the war in Afghanistan.

Kids today are really stupid. So say all the old people. You know, the old people who raised those kids and taught them in public schools and colleges. Listening to two old people talk about how dumb kids are makes me want to ask them “Don’t you think you’re responsible for any of this?”

But then again responsibility is overrated.

As I learned last night Obama, in spite of being the commander-in-chief of the armed forces of the United States of America and the single most powerful human on the planet Earth, has no responsibility for the war in Afghanistan. The American military just stayed in Afghanistan of their own choice. Continuing to kill people without Obama’s permission and there’s nothing he can do about it. As for those drones that kill people who are going to weddings, Obama has no responsibility for those either. Skynet is responsible for that.

Just as Obama is not responsible for the war – just as old people are not responsible for how stupid their children are – on St. Patrick’s Day neither are you responsible for your behaviour.

It’s a day when you can go out to bars, drink like a fucking idiot and show the world how incredibly stupid you are thanks to the inability of your parents to raise a child with more than three functioning brain cells.

Enough of my bitching.

Babymetal.  Because I can.

Let’s get to some actual advice that you didn’t ask for.

four twenty for alcholoics in fort collins

Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in a responsible way.

1. Don’t wear stupid green outfits or hats in public.

Attention whoring is not attractive. I know you want people to notice you but the more effort you put into needing to be noticed by other people the more you telegraph your insecurities.

2. Learn to drink in moderation.

I understand that excessive drinking only kills the week brain cells. And I understand that you’re not using most your brain cells anyway. I don’t want you to drink in moderation for your benefit. I’m a firm believer in natural selection and the sooner your liver gives out that’s the sooner your DNA is removed from the gene pool.

I want you to drink in moderation for my benefit. When I go trail running the morning after St. Patrick’s Day and I’m returning via my usual detoured through Old Town I don’t want to have to step in your vomit.

3. Celebrate at home.

I’m honestly not sure what anyone is celebrating on St. Patrick’s Day or why this is a holiday. My suspicion is that it’s an excuse to get drunk. We live in a society where, for the most part, everyone is so miserable that they will take any excuse to get drunk to forget their lives aren’t worth living. A culture where “Netflix” and “party” are verbs isn’t too far from decline. And you should Enjoy The Decline.

But I digress.

irish car bomb in fort collins

You should stay home on St. Patrick’s Day to do your drinking. There are multiple benefits:

  • If you are selective about your guest list you don’t have to deal with annoying people. Be sure you don’t invite me ’cause I’ll call you on your bullshit.
  • The booze is cheaper.
  • The service is faster. Not as cute as the waitresses at Lucky Joe’s, but faster.
  • You don’t have to worry about being thrown out at closing time. Nor do your guests ’cause you’re gonna let ‘em sleep over if they need to.
  • Therefore you and your guests don’t have to worry about getting a DUI and contributing large sums of money to the boys in blue and the rehab industrial complex.
  • If you want to smoke a cigarette or an e-cigarette you can do so without some whiny bitch telling you that you’re only 19 1/2 feet away from the door and you need to move.

St. Patrick’s Day is to bars what Valentine’s Day is to florists and restaurants. It’s a great way to get the sheep out of their pens and stimulating the economy by spending money on shit they don’t need. And you don’t need to spend hours of your life in a bar wearing green clothing while drinking large amounts of overpriced alcohol. If you think this is an effective use of the limited time you have to live you might want to either write to Ask Us Fort Collins for help or Consult An Asshole for professional help.

what is at the end of a rainbow in fort collins

This Week: Unsolicited Advice, St. Patty’s Style

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It’s Monday again…

and St Patrick’s day is just a few short hours away.

This week Robyn and Skippy are bringing you some Unsolicited Advice for your St. Patrick’s day shenanigans.

Check back Wednesday for Skippy’s post and Friday for Robyn’s.

That is all.

 

She Says: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage…

breakneck

Dear Troubled with Trying.

You shouldn’t have gotten married… let me rephrase that… you shouldn’t have gotten married to the man that you married.

I mean, how stupid can you be? I’m sorry to sound harsh but you husband totally tricked you into marrying him.

You have been Fifty Shades of manipulated.

He got you right where he wanted you and now it is too late to go back. You can’t undo a marriage. I mean, come on, marriage is forever, right? Ohhhhhh wait. Sorry, I am mistaken. There is something you can do. IT’S CALLED GETTING A DIVORCE.

divorce meme

You really only have two options in this scenario.

1. You stay married to him for the rest of your life

Lets say you decide not to get a divorce. You will spend the rest of your days with a guy who is not only selfish, but is controlling and doesn’t respect you and your desires. He will never change. He will be the only one you have to spend your days with. You will have no children and, therefore, no grandchildren to fill your days and your heart with the love that you desire. You will be his and only his. He will not be able to fulfill your life as having kids would. You will resent him. You will regret your decision. Your heart will fill with hate and you will live an unhappy, unfulfilled life for the rest of your days until you die. Alone. Because he will probably die before you do.

Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.

I once went to a seminar where the Keynote Speaker talked about being a better you. It was truly inspirational. One of the things he said, that has always resonated with me, was:

“What do you think will be on your gravestone? Just your name and the dates that you lived? What does that say about your life?”

 

Think about that. Think about how you want to live your life. Life is too short to live with regrets and you would regret staying with him and not having kids.

funeral

There is no compromise when it comes to kids. You do or you don’t.

2. You get Divorced

You get to have kids with someone who will appreciate you and love you and your children. I know it sounds like a hassle to go through a divorce. I mean, it is not going to be fun. At all. You love this man, I am sure. I know there isn’t an ON/OFF switch for your love. You will probably always love him. But you need to move on. Your happiness depends on it. Love changes and you will find someone else who, I guarantee, you will be happier with. Don’t just stay with him because it is easy. One day it will be too late. We women don’t have as much time as they do. He can have kids into his eighties (even though he wont) and, finding someone new is much easier than it used to be. Online dating is awesome. Do it. Live the life you want to live.

doglesson

Just because you are married, does not mean it is the end all, be all.  Don’t trap yourself in an unhappy, childless marriage for the rest of your life. Leave him now before it becomes too much of a habit or you start making excuses for him. It will be difficult, but you will look back and know you did the right thing. Especially when you have a baby kicking in your belly and another in your arms.

He Says: Have I Mentioned You Can’t Change Other People?

tell me how i will change my mind about wanting kids in fort collins

Dear Troubled With Trying;

You are both stupid.

That’s the answer. Now I have to pad this out to 800 words.

What should you do? You should stop expecting other people to change so that you can be happy.

If you want children why did you marry a man who doesn’t want children? Because you thought he was going to change in order to make you happy. That’s why.

Everything you wrote tells me that he wasn’t enthusiastic about having children and only reluctantly agreed to have one child with you. Yet you, knowing you want children (plural), married him anyway.

What the fuck is wrong with both of you?

I can tell you what the fuck is wrong with both of you. And I will. Get your big girl panties on. Both of you.

how long does it take for twins to be born in fort collins

What’s Wrong With You

You think other people are going to change. You though you could marry a man and then transform him into the man you really wanted to marry. You live in the Fifty Shades Of I Can Change Other People To Make Me Happy Fantasy World.

Why didn’t you marry the man you wanted to marry? Why didn’t you marry someone who wants children? Because you have a very limited choice in men. Here’s why.

1. You aren’t much of a catch.

I know nothing about you yet I can make some predictions most of which will be true.

  1. You have a liberal arts degree.
  2. You have a large amount of credit card and education loan debt.
  3. You work a dead end job.
  4. You have a rescue dog.
  5. You are fat. Not “curvy”. Fat.
  6. You enjoy being a victim.

You are playing the victim card right now. You are a victim of this terrible man who married you and now will not have children with you. You knew he didn’t want kids. You agreed to marry him knowing this. But none of this is your fault is it? You are a victim and you want Robyn and I to give you advice on how to change him.

Men are not going to fall over themselves to marry a woman like you. Thus you took what you could get.

2. Men are checking out.

Men are checking out of marriage and checking out of having children. Many men are waking up to the fact that getting married and having children offers them nothing at all and will destroy their lives. After 8 years their wife will become bored with them, get a divorce, and take the children and half of everything they own.

child support spent on boots in fort collins

The next 18 years of their lives will amount to making child support and alimony payments to a woman who spends the child support money on clothing.

3. The men who aren’t checking out aren’t much of a catch either.

The men who do want children have no idea how to go about being a good father.

What’s Wrong With Him

He married a woman who wants children. Not maybe-sorta-kinda wants children. A woman who expressly, openly, repeatedly told him “I want children.” That’s one thing you did right. Your desire for children was not a secret. He knew this.

Yet he kept dating you, asked you to marry him (I’m sure he had to ask you, it didn’t go the other way did it) and then actually married you.

Why did he do this? Because he knows he has no other choice. You were the only woman who would give him the time of day and he was so desperate for female attention and companionship that he lied to you to get it.

This is a man with no integrity and no standards.

How Does This Play Out?

zero kids in fort collins

You are both living in the hell you created. Either there will be children or there will not. Either way one of you loses. And the loser will make the other miserable. Thus you both lose.

Most likely you will start having sex with other men and get pregnant.

Then the divorce will come and he will spend the rest of his life paying for another man’s child.

You will become a promiscuous man hater.

He will become a video game playing woman hater.

The child will grow up in a single parent home which is the most destructive thing that can happen to a child.

Congradulations. Both of you are fucktards.

What Should You Do?

Divorce him now before you get pregnant. You both made a huge mistake because both of you are stupid. Find a man who wants children and start over. Having or not having children is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life and it will deeply affect the life of the person you marry as well. You can marry a person who disagrees with you about many things but this is not one of them.

Question of the Week: Who Did I Marry?

Funny-memes-when-i-get-sad-about-not-having-kids

Dear Robyn and Skippy,

My husband and I have been married for about a year now and I thought it was high time to bring up trying to have kids.

You see, we dated for about five years before we got married.  I told him I wouldn’t marry him until he agreed to have kids with me, he was never too keen on the subject.  We finally had the “make it or break it” talk and he agreed to have one child with me.  We got married and agreed to have our “honeymoon phase” before trying.  I feel like that phase is now over and I want to start trying.  He has told me that he has changed his mind and can never be a father.  I really want kids and I am heartbroken that he doesn’t.  What should I do?

Thanks

Troubled With Trying

Do you have any advice for Troubled with Trying? Comment below!

We are changing things up this week on ya. Robyn’s post will be up Friday and Skippy’s will be up on Wednesday. Don’t forget to check back!

Things Fort Collins Needs To Get Over

Life is short. You need to focus your attention on things that are truly important. That means you need to let go of things that don’t matter. It means you need to move on. It means you need to put on your big girl panties. You need to let go of some anger and free up some emotional space in your life.

You need to have a nice big steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up.

how about a cup of shut the fuck up in fort collins

Aren’t you happy you’ve got us to point this out to you?

Robyn and Skippy are here to identify some concerns that you can let go of.

1. Fifty Shades of Grey.

Skippy says: No joke folks. It’s time to move on. Is this still a thing? Was it ever a thing? Why was it a thing? Find a boyfriend or girlfriend and get on with your life. Robyn actually watched Fifty Shades of Grey because so many people were getting emotional about it.  That’s 3ish hours of her life she will never get back.

Robyn says: Not only should we get over it, but we should also boycott the next two movies. The books happened. They happened and we let them happen. If everyone just stops caring about it, maybe it will go away.

2. Restaurant reviews you don’t agree with.

Robyn says: Shit happens. Restaurants fuck up. Opinion changes. I have been on reviews with Kristin Mastre of Feasting Fort Collins and she is beyond fair and reasonable. So, she has a different opinion than you do? Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and no one should attack someone for that.

Skippy says: When your restaurant does get a review and you don’t like it refrain from sending the reviewer messages that end with “sad puppy face”.  You just look like an idiot. Probably because you are an idiot.

sad puppy face in fort collins

3. The train goes through the middle of Fort Collins.

Skippy says: The train was here first. It’s not the train’s fault that people in Fort Collins decided to build the city on both sides of the tracks. It’s also not the train’s fault that the government of Fort Collins spends money on shitty art and laws against smoking instead of building a damn overpass or underpass. Hell with all the road construction in Fort Collins we could have 10 overpasses by now.

Robyn says: I fucking hate that train. It doesn’t make it any better sitting here brooding over it. The train is never going to go away. Telling someone you are late because of the train is a perfectly acceptable excuse for anyone who has lived in Fort Collins for 5 minutes.

4. The Drunken Monkey is called The Drunken Monkey. Illegal Pete’s is called Illegal Pete’s.

Robyn says: Could be worse. It could be called something like Shit House.

Skippy says: A sure sign of First World Problems of Rich White People with Too Much Free Time would be getting your panties bunched up over the name of a business.

5. Parking in Old Town sucks.

Skippy says: Ride a bike or walk. Or take the MAX Transhit Boondoggle that you left-wing liberals are so in love with. There are two damn parking garages in Old Town and I’ve never seem them full. Suck it up!

Robyn says: I am really sick of hearing this one. Just shut up and pay for the garage. It is free the first hour. And, walking never killed anyone so just park further away.

6. Trader Joe’s

Robyn says: I love Trader Joe’s like all the rest of you, but I am not going to take selfies while shopping there or report to FB every time I buy more Cookie Butter. It’s here. We can all breathe a sigh of relief and not go crazy. If they open the liquor store part of TJ then we are all allowed to go nuts. Cheap good wine? YES PLEASE!!!!

Skippy says: What the hell is Trader Joe’s and why should I care? This is some kind of California thing isn’t it?

7. Yourself.

Skippy says: Enough with the selfies already. Can we go back to the “good old days” when people posted pictures of their food.

Robyn says: Seriously, there are way too many selfies on Facebook, too many BS tweets on twitter etc etc. I am sick of the “look at me, look at me” attitude these days.

basic bitch in fort collins

There are things in the world worth spending your emotional currency on. Important things like . . . well hell.  I don’t know like what.  Who flippin’ cares? Just get over it and move on damnit.

She Says Lessons Learned the Hard Way: The Stereotype Was True

irish

And now I bring you some very personal lessons I have had to learn.

Let me begin by saying that I don’t really believe in stereotyping.  Not all stereotypes are true.  I decided to do a bit of research before I began my stories to see what our lovely interwebz brought up as examples of stereotypes. Most of it is raciest and sexiest and just plain insulting.

Here are some of the things I found and what I think of the stereotype:

All white guys can’t dance. Not true. Has anyone seen Channing Tatums moves? I mean, come on.

All British have bad teeth. I lived there, I looked for it. The English are a charming people with as nice a teeth as Americans.

Guys are Messy and Unclean. False. My Uncle is the biggest neat freak I’ve ever met.

Red Heads are Sluts. Both of my sisters have red hair and they are actually quite prudish.

Women are always moody. Well, it depends on the woman, or the person for that matter. I have met many a moody brooding man.

I think that’s enough. True, stereotyping is unfair; but it is also sometimes truthful. This is why stereotyping exists. The problem lies in judging something or someone before you get to know them. Only by knowing them can you figure out if the stereotype holds any truth. Even then, it is a mean way to view the world and the people in it; which is why I chose not to do so, even though I have been burned by stereotypes.

LLTHW Stereotype 1: The Evil Stepmother

evilstep

I seriously think I win the award for having the worst stepmother in the world (maybe not, but I am sure I would at least be a runner up). I am sure that there are plenty of wonderful step-moms out there, but mine was a nightmare.

My parents divorced when I was nine, and all of a sudden there was this blond-haired bimbo hanging around my dad. I mean, seriously, this woman was one of the dumbest people I had ever met; but my dad seemed happy so I went along and accepted her as the new norm in our lives. Though, they never told me they got married nor did they invite me to the wedding. As I came into those oh so joyous teenage years and the angst gripped me, I chose to go live with my dad and stepmother three states away.

Everything was fine at first, but as the days rolled by I began to see her for what she truly was. You see, I had only been to visit for small amounts of time in the past, but now I was permanent. What I came to find out was that my stepmother was a money-grubbing whore, bleeding my dad for all he was worth and playing the dumb, cute, blonde arm candy. I realized that my dad wasn’t happy, and that something else was happening: my dad was very sick.

One night an ambulance came and took my dad to the hospital. I was self-sufficient, taking the public bus to school and doing just fine. I wasn’t allowed to see my dad. Then one morning, my stepmother woke me up by slapping me across the face with a plane ticket. One way. Back to my mom.

This story is much longer than I have room to write, but in the end my stepmother never told me my father died, claimed me as her own daughter and took my inheritance. It was all about the money. She never realized that I would have gladly given her every penny from my inheritance if I could have just seen my dad one last time. I found out he died by looking for obituaries on the internet. This was 14 years ago.

Evil. My Evil Stepmother definitely lived up to the stereotype.

 

LLTHW Stereotype 2: The Meathead

meathead

I have dated three. That’s right, three.  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…. what the fuck is wrong with me?! The last one I and I were engaged. No, I did not marry him. What is weird about this is that I am far from a gym bunny. I like to walk my dog and do the elliptical. That’s about it. I won’t go into detail like I did in my other story, but lets just say with all three, the stereotype was true. I felt like I was dating the guy and the gym; except the gym demanded more time than I did, and definitely saw more action. The running theme between the three of them was not only the obsession with their bodies, but a low I.Q. I hate to say it but it was true. Lesson learned, thrice over.

LLTHW Stereotype 3: The Jewish Princess

jewish princess

Once again, I have to say that I never truly believed in this stereotype until my brother married into a Jewish family. In fact, I have known plenty of Jewish women who don’t fit into the stereotype AT ALL. But I found one. And she is my sister-in-law. Oh joy.

I was really happy for my brother when he found his new wife after going through a messy divorce. And I truly believe that my sister in law loves my brother and their children and has a good heart. She just acts… well… Jewish. She is very spoiled and demands to be that way. She is loud and talks poorly of people. When something doesn’t go her way, watch out. I know, this could be any spoiled, well-to-do person. She is just so… Jewish about things, and uses her religion to get what she wants. When I was planning my wedding two years ago my biggest hurdle was dealing with her and what I wanted my niece to wear in the wedding. The FLOWER GIRL DRESS was an issue. Everything is an issue with her. And no, it doesn’t really have to do with being Jewish, but she will be the first to tell you it does.

So there you have it, my experience with stereotypes. I would like to close in saying that I really don’t buy into them. They are sometimes truthful, most of the time not, yet always hurtful. Just be good to one another whether you are Black, Jewish, White, Mexican, British or really of any background, hair color or religious orientation. Or like to frequent the gym.

What did you think of Robyn’s post? Tune in Friday for some friendly banter from Robyn and Skippy!