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This Week: Robyn Takes Over


Happy Monday!

Robyn here.  OK, so I won’t take over completely, Skippy still gets to put in his two cents on Friday.  This week I am going to bring you a rant about men.  That’s right, Skip bitches about women as often as he can and, now, it is my turn to bitch about men.  Ladies, you wont want to miss it, and fellas, you might learn something. It will be coming at ya on Wednesday!

Stay tuned!






Robyn and Skippy Say: Why Fort Collins is Great


Happy Friday Fort Collins!

Robyn here. Skippy and I decided to brighten your Friday with some shameful boasting of why our town is one of the best places to live in the country. Yes! It’s true! It has been named one of the top cities to inhabit by several national publications! I mean, come on, Fort Collins really is great and here’s why…

1. Beer, Beer and More Beer

Robyn: That’s right, we are the Napa Valley of beer! And yes, we do have the Budweiser plant BUT nothing beats our craft brews! I did not like beer before someone introduced me to the wonders of craft beer. Tantalizing to the taste buds, beer connoisseurs unite!

Skippy:  You can’t argue with beer.  You can argue while drinking beer.  You will most likely lose that argument however.  Unless the other person has been drinking even more beer than you.  The great thing about all the breweries is that most everyone can find a brewery they like.  The bad thing about all the breweries is that most everyone can find vomit on the sidewalk on Sunday morning.


2. Trails, Hiking and Outdoorsy Shit

Skippy:  I love me some outdoors.  Naturally I therefore spend too much time indoors working.  When I can get my ass on the trails biking or running I’m all over that.  The great thing about Fort Collins is you don’t have to go far to get knee deep in outdoorsy shit.  It’s right there outside your door.  If you do wanna travel a bit there is more and more and more outdoorsy shit right around the corner.  And if you wanna go trail running with me – and you’re a cute girl – I’m down for that as well.  Apply here.

Robyn: I have to admit that I am not that outdoorsy, but I have done the Poudre trail on my bike (followed by a well earned margarita at the Rio) and I must say the beauty of our trails is unparalleled. One day I will hike Horsetooth and see what all the fuss is about. For more on trails, check out Fresh Air Fort Collins.

3. Restaurants! Restaurants! Restaurants!

Robyn: I mean, come on, one of the hardest decisions here is deciding where to go out to eat! I always reference Feasting Fort Collins when I am really indecisive. We have good restaurants for any type of food you could ever want! And an abundance to choose from that aren’t just another chain. My favorites include: Crown Pub, Matador, Cafe Mexicali, Saigon Grill, and a whole hell of a lot more!

Skippy:  Here is where Robyn and I switch places.  I don’t eat out much.  Plus I have a few restaurants I go to and that’s it.  I know what I like and I like what I know.  The best place in Fort Collins to eat is my house.  ‘Cause I know best how to cook for me.  The second best place to eat is . . .   You know how this story ends.

4. Theatre, Museums and Art OH MY!

Skippy:  Fort Collins has a fair amount of culture and entertainment for a city of this size.  Not up to the standards of my old stomping grounds of Houston of course.  Still the Fort holds it’s own.  We have many great bands and live music performances as well.  Now if only the venues would let the bands perform during grown-up hours.  Us old folks go to bed at 10pm.  So get off my lawn!

Robyn: With First Friday art walk, several theatre companies (one of which I work for) and our local museums we are one cultured community! I just saw a fantastic play at Bas Bleu last weekend. I love that we have so many options to expand our minds in the arts.


5. We Get Educated!

Robyn: I mean, obviously we are a College town. Not only do we have CSU, but also Front Range Community College and several classes offered through the city. It is easy to get a good education here, further your knowledge, expand your mind or just try something new!

Skippy:  And by educated I mean college parties.  I live right in the middle of Sophomore Row.  Looking out the window at 40 college girls in bikinis can be distracting but I put up with it.  So long as they stay off my lawn.  And if they ever wanna “try something new” I’ll be here for them.


She Says: Find your Kink

christian grey

Dear Not Krazy About Kinky,

Woman to woman I need to level with you. You. Have. To. Tell. Him. You are still a virgin and you expect to go in without mentioning this to someone who practically has a doctorate in sex? You are out of your mind if you think that it will be a good experience for you if you just go along “ho hum-ing” thing whole thing. I made that same mistake. Not that the guy I lost my virginity to was into kinky sex, but he was older and more experienced and I felt like I shouldn’t tell him. I thought it would scare him. I thought he would never do it with me if he knew. That seems like a lot of responsibility, taking someones virginity, and I thought he would just see me as a silly nineteen year old. Honestly I should never have been with him in the first place.

Was my first time awkward? Oh yeah. It was ridiculous. Painful. Not sexy. I left with this sense of unfulfilled expectations and it was totally my fault. I wish I had told him. I wish I had been weaned into the experience. Not that it was ALL bad, just not what I expected. Kind of like going to Prom, you always imagine it being this spectacular thing and in the end it is just crepe paper hung in the gym, bad music and even worse dancing.


You ask how you should tell him that you are a virgin? The answer is you just tell him, as soon as possible. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just be frank.

Now as far as kinky-ness goes, I think you need to do a little self exploring before you enter his world of kink. No one knows your body better than you do so the more exploring you do, the more you will know what you like.

Do you think you will like being whipped or chained up? Will you delight in being spanked and having your hair pulled? OR will he take things too far?

That’s just it. Things can go a bit too far once in the bedroom. You need to make sure that this guy you are seeing is not a controlling, masochistic asshole. It is very easy to become dazzled by fancy cars, dinners and gifts, when really you are just dating the devil in disguise. I am not saying that he is, but I am saying that you had better be careful. Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation. Do not get hurt. Do not let him go too far. You have the right to say no and terminate things at any time.


Now back to finding your kink.

I suggest you start watching some racy videos (AKA Porn). See what turns you on there. Then I suggest you buy yourself some toys. Don’t be afraid to splurge here. The higher the quality, the more fun you are going to have. You want something soft and flesh-like, not those hard, novelty vibrators that don’t really do much.  They are the cheapest and cheap for a reason.

I don’t want you to think that you are about to lose your virginity to a toy, because that is not the case. Stupidly, I used to think that way before I new better. You will thank me for the exploration you are about to do. You will also get to know yourself and help him figure out how to get you “there.”  Women have a horrible history of ignoring their own bodies while men are practically expected to play with themselves as is the “social norm.” It sickens me. We have every right to figure out our bodies and not be sexually repressed in this patriarchal society.

One last thing, if and when you do decide to go all the way with this guy you are seeing, please use the restroom after you have sex. No one told me this. No one told my best friend this. Women need to cleanse the “pipes” after sex. Bacteria gets pushed up there and you will instantly get a UTI. Trust me. I just saved you days of pain. Some doctors call it “honeymoon syndrome” because women would come back from their honeymoons with urinary infections all the time. We know better, and now, you know better.

My last words of wisdom are to just be safe and communicate with your boyfriend. You will find more pleasure with him if you first find pleasure with yourself. Trust me.

The fine print: This week was April Fools week so this question is based on a popular novel. Can you guess which one? Check out last years April Fools Question right here!

Unsolicited Advice: She Says, Party Like You’re Irish


St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!!

I know, I know, by the time you read this, it will have already passed. And it was on a Tuesday this year which is not good for those of us who like to get our whiskey on. Unless you don’t have a job. And if you don’t, what are you doing spending your money on alcohol? Stop it. Get a job.

This year has been a good one for me so far. Two of my dear friends are getting married and decided to have their joint stag/hen party on St. Patrick’s day. Shenanigans abound! I was in Downtown Denver and drew inspiration from what I saw in the bars there to give you some good advice to heed for the next year.

So, here it is, my advice in the form of “do’s” and “don’ts” for all St. Patrick’s Day’s in your future. You’re welcome.

DO know your facts.

I had to work on St Paddy’s and was listening to the radio on my morning commute. The female DJ was talking about how great it was that St. Patrick’s day is the day to wear green, but this year she decided to do something different. She wore a snakeskin print shirt to work instead to honor the fact that St. Patrick drove all the snakes from Ireland. She then went on to say how shocked she was to find out that this was actually not a fact, but a myth. Seriously??? How dumb can you be? That is like saying that the Pied Piper is real and can get rid of your pesky mouse problem by playing a flute. Next time, check your facts before you make a wardrobe choice that makes you look like an idiot. Oh, and don’t announce it on the radio. Just wear green like everyone else.


…and with that said…

Don’t Over Do Your St. Patrick’s  Day Outfit.

A green shirt and a shamrock beaded necklace? Great! A beer shirt and a green bowler hat? Super! Full green body paint, flashing necklaces and a green afro wig? Oh, no! Full out leprechaun garb with tutu and gold tights? Yikes!

There is such a thing as going too far. I noticed that the ladies room line was longer than it should have been while I was at one particular bar in Denver. It was because the ladies ahead of me were having issues with their outfits. There were unitards and tutu’s everywhere. Not cool ladies, not cool. And fellas…. what can I say…. that green afro makes you look like a dickhead.


Do Eat Some Tasty Irish Fare.

Irish food is wonderful. Why? Because it is all about the meat and potatoes. It is also about cooking things with one of my favorite ingredients: Beer. It is hard to find good Irish food here in Fort Collins so you might have to go to Boulder and check out Connor O’Neils. They are operated by an actual Irish family! It’s the real deal! Or, just cook at home. Either way, enjoying the cuisine of another culture is one of the best parts of this holiday.

DON”T Drink Green Beer!

Please, please, PLEASE don’t drink green beer. How much more American can we get than turning our disgusting light beer even MORE disgusting by adding green food dye? It is not festive, it is just gross. For the love of St. Patrick and everything that is holy, only drink IRISH BEER to celebrate this IRISH holiday. It is wonderful. What’s that? You don’t like Guinness? Guess what… THERE ARE OTHER KINDS OF IRISH BEER. Harp, Smithwicks, and Murphy’s are all good options. Or, just go straight for the Jameson, I recommend it with ginger ale.


DO Watch How Much You are Drinking.

Seriously. No one likes a sloppy drunk. This is advice I want you to heed all year round. Especially if you are away from your own humble abode. I was recently a DD for some of my guy friends. It was like herding cats, and, I’m sorry, but there is a point where the level of beer and the level of aggression can come to a head. For no apparent reason. Keep it balanced, guys. It is no fun in the end for anyone. You too ladies. YOU TOO.

However you decide to celebrate St. Patrick and the holiday (which isn’t technically a holiday in our country) just be safe and don’t look like a dickhead. Oh, and eat the food. I am serious, it is delicious.

She Says: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage…


Dear Troubled with Trying.

You shouldn’t have gotten married… let me rephrase that… you shouldn’t have gotten married to the man that you married.

I mean, how stupid can you be? I’m sorry to sound harsh but you husband totally tricked you into marrying him.

You have been Fifty Shades of manipulated.

He got you right where he wanted you and now it is too late to go back. You can’t undo a marriage. I mean, come on, marriage is forever, right? Ohhhhhh wait. Sorry, I am mistaken. There is something you can do. IT’S CALLED GETTING A DIVORCE.

divorce meme

You really only have two options in this scenario.

1. You stay married to him for the rest of your life

Lets say you decide not to get a divorce. You will spend the rest of your days with a guy who is not only selfish, but is controlling and doesn’t respect you and your desires. He will never change. He will be the only one you have to spend your days with. You will have no children and, therefore, no grandchildren to fill your days and your heart with the love that you desire. You will be his and only his. He will not be able to fulfill your life as having kids would. You will resent him. You will regret your decision. Your heart will fill with hate and you will live an unhappy, unfulfilled life for the rest of your days until you die. Alone. Because he will probably die before you do.

Harsh? Maybe. True? Definitely.

I once went to a seminar where the Keynote Speaker talked about being a better you. It was truly inspirational. One of the things he said, that has always resonated with me, was:

“What do you think will be on your gravestone? Just your name and the dates that you lived? What does that say about your life?”


Think about that. Think about how you want to live your life. Life is too short to live with regrets and you would regret staying with him and not having kids.


There is no compromise when it comes to kids. You do or you don’t.

2. You get Divorced

You get to have kids with someone who will appreciate you and love you and your children. I know it sounds like a hassle to go through a divorce. I mean, it is not going to be fun. At all. You love this man, I am sure. I know there isn’t an ON/OFF switch for your love. You will probably always love him. But you need to move on. Your happiness depends on it. Love changes and you will find someone else who, I guarantee, you will be happier with. Don’t just stay with him because it is easy. One day it will be too late. We women don’t have as much time as they do. He can have kids into his eighties (even though he wont) and, finding someone new is much easier than it used to be. Online dating is awesome. Do it. Live the life you want to live.


Just because you are married, does not mean it is the end all, be all.  Don’t trap yourself in an unhappy, childless marriage for the rest of your life. Leave him now before it becomes too much of a habit or you start making excuses for him. It will be difficult, but you will look back and know you did the right thing. Especially when you have a baby kicking in your belly and another in your arms.

Things Fort Collins Needs To Get Over

Life is short. You need to focus your attention on things that are truly important. That means you need to let go of things that don’t matter. It means you need to move on. It means you need to put on your big girl panties. You need to let go of some anger and free up some emotional space in your life.

You need to have a nice big steaming hot cup of shut the fuck up.

how about a cup of shut the fuck up in fort collins

Aren’t you happy you’ve got us to point this out to you?

Robyn and Skippy are here to identify some concerns that you can let go of.

1. Fifty Shades of Grey.

Skippy says: No joke folks. It’s time to move on. Is this still a thing? Was it ever a thing? Why was it a thing? Find a boyfriend or girlfriend and get on with your life. Robyn actually watched Fifty Shades of Grey because so many people were getting emotional about it.  That’s 3ish hours of her life she will never get back.

Robyn says: Not only should we get over it, but we should also boycott the next two movies. The books happened. They happened and we let them happen. If everyone just stops caring about it, maybe it will go away.

2. Restaurant reviews you don’t agree with.

Robyn says: Shit happens. Restaurants fuck up. Opinion changes. I have been on reviews with Kristin Mastre of Feasting Fort Collins and she is beyond fair and reasonable. So, she has a different opinion than you do? Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and no one should attack someone for that.

Skippy says: When your restaurant does get a review and you don’t like it refrain from sending the reviewer messages that end with “sad puppy face”.  You just look like an idiot. Probably because you are an idiot.

sad puppy face in fort collins

3. The train goes through the middle of Fort Collins.

Skippy says: The train was here first. It’s not the train’s fault that people in Fort Collins decided to build the city on both sides of the tracks. It’s also not the train’s fault that the government of Fort Collins spends money on shitty art and laws against smoking instead of building a damn overpass or underpass. Hell with all the road construction in Fort Collins we could have 10 overpasses by now.

Robyn says: I fucking hate that train. It doesn’t make it any better sitting here brooding over it. The train is never going to go away. Telling someone you are late because of the train is a perfectly acceptable excuse for anyone who has lived in Fort Collins for 5 minutes.

4. The Drunken Monkey is called The Drunken Monkey. Illegal Pete’s is called Illegal Pete’s.

Robyn says: Could be worse. It could be called something like Shit House.

Skippy says: A sure sign of First World Problems of Rich White People with Too Much Free Time would be getting your panties bunched up over the name of a business.

5. Parking in Old Town sucks.

Skippy says: Ride a bike or walk. Or take the MAX Transhit Boondoggle that you left-wing liberals are so in love with. There are two damn parking garages in Old Town and I’ve never seem them full. Suck it up!

Robyn says: I am really sick of hearing this one. Just shut up and pay for the garage. It is free the first hour. And, walking never killed anyone so just park further away.

6. Trader Joe’s

Robyn says: I love Trader Joe’s like all the rest of you, but I am not going to take selfies while shopping there or report to FB every time I buy more Cookie Butter. It’s here. We can all breathe a sigh of relief and not go crazy. If they open the liquor store part of TJ then we are all allowed to go nuts. Cheap good wine? YES PLEASE!!!!

Skippy says: What the hell is Trader Joe’s and why should I care? This is some kind of California thing isn’t it?

7. Yourself.

Skippy says: Enough with the selfies already. Can we go back to the “good old days” when people posted pictures of their food.

Robyn says: Seriously, there are way too many selfies on Facebook, too many BS tweets on twitter etc etc. I am sick of the “look at me, look at me” attitude these days.

basic bitch in fort collins

There are things in the world worth spending your emotional currency on. Important things like . . . well hell.  I don’t know like what.  Who flippin’ cares? Just get over it and move on damnit.

She Says Lessons Learned the Hard Way: The Stereotype Was True


And now I bring you some very personal lessons I have had to learn.

Let me begin by saying that I don’t really believe in stereotyping.  Not all stereotypes are true.  I decided to do a bit of research before I began my stories to see what our lovely interwebz brought up as examples of stereotypes. Most of it is raciest and sexiest and just plain insulting.

Here are some of the things I found and what I think of the stereotype:

All white guys can’t dance. Not true. Has anyone seen Channing Tatums moves? I mean, come on.

All British have bad teeth. I lived there, I looked for it. The English are a charming people with as nice a teeth as Americans.

Guys are Messy and Unclean. False. My Uncle is the biggest neat freak I’ve ever met.

Red Heads are Sluts. Both of my sisters have red hair and they are actually quite prudish.

Women are always moody. Well, it depends on the woman, or the person for that matter. I have met many a moody brooding man.

I think that’s enough. True, stereotyping is unfair; but it is also sometimes truthful. This is why stereotyping exists. The problem lies in judging something or someone before you get to know them. Only by knowing them can you figure out if the stereotype holds any truth. Even then, it is a mean way to view the world and the people in it; which is why I chose not to do so, even though I have been burned by stereotypes.

LLTHW Stereotype 1: The Evil Stepmother


I seriously think I win the award for having the worst stepmother in the world (maybe not, but I am sure I would at least be a runner up). I am sure that there are plenty of wonderful step-moms out there, but mine was a nightmare.

My parents divorced when I was nine, and all of a sudden there was this blond-haired bimbo hanging around my dad. I mean, seriously, this woman was one of the dumbest people I had ever met; but my dad seemed happy so I went along and accepted her as the new norm in our lives. Though, they never told me they got married nor did they invite me to the wedding. As I came into those oh so joyous teenage years and the angst gripped me, I chose to go live with my dad and stepmother three states away.

Everything was fine at first, but as the days rolled by I began to see her for what she truly was. You see, I had only been to visit for small amounts of time in the past, but now I was permanent. What I came to find out was that my stepmother was a money-grubbing whore, bleeding my dad for all he was worth and playing the dumb, cute, blonde arm candy. I realized that my dad wasn’t happy, and that something else was happening: my dad was very sick.

One night an ambulance came and took my dad to the hospital. I was self-sufficient, taking the public bus to school and doing just fine. I wasn’t allowed to see my dad. Then one morning, my stepmother woke me up by slapping me across the face with a plane ticket. One way. Back to my mom.

This story is much longer than I have room to write, but in the end my stepmother never told me my father died, claimed me as her own daughter and took my inheritance. It was all about the money. She never realized that I would have gladly given her every penny from my inheritance if I could have just seen my dad one last time. I found out he died by looking for obituaries on the internet. This was 14 years ago.

Evil. My Evil Stepmother definitely lived up to the stereotype.


LLTHW Stereotype 2: The Meathead


I have dated three. That’s right, three.  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times…. what the fuck is wrong with me?! The last one I and I were engaged. No, I did not marry him. What is weird about this is that I am far from a gym bunny. I like to walk my dog and do the elliptical. That’s about it. I won’t go into detail like I did in my other story, but lets just say with all three, the stereotype was true. I felt like I was dating the guy and the gym; except the gym demanded more time than I did, and definitely saw more action. The running theme between the three of them was not only the obsession with their bodies, but a low I.Q. I hate to say it but it was true. Lesson learned, thrice over.

LLTHW Stereotype 3: The Jewish Princess

jewish princess

Once again, I have to say that I never truly believed in this stereotype until my brother married into a Jewish family. In fact, I have known plenty of Jewish women who don’t fit into the stereotype AT ALL. But I found one. And she is my sister-in-law. Oh joy.

I was really happy for my brother when he found his new wife after going through a messy divorce. And I truly believe that my sister in law loves my brother and their children and has a good heart. She just acts… well… Jewish. She is very spoiled and demands to be that way. She is loud and talks poorly of people. When something doesn’t go her way, watch out. I know, this could be any spoiled, well-to-do person. She is just so… Jewish about things, and uses her religion to get what she wants. When I was planning my wedding two years ago my biggest hurdle was dealing with her and what I wanted my niece to wear in the wedding. The FLOWER GIRL DRESS was an issue. Everything is an issue with her. And no, it doesn’t really have to do with being Jewish, but she will be the first to tell you it does.

So there you have it, my experience with stereotypes. I would like to close in saying that I really don’t buy into them. They are sometimes truthful, most of the time not, yet always hurtful. Just be good to one another whether you are Black, Jewish, White, Mexican, British or really of any background, hair color or religious orientation. Or like to frequent the gym.

What did you think of Robyn’s post? Tune in Friday for some friendly banter from Robyn and Skippy!

This Week- She Says: Lessons Learned the Hard Way


Hello Again and Happy Monday!

Robyn  here.  This week I will be bringing you my own version of Lessons Learned the Hard Way.  I will be tackling the subject of stereotypes.  I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not tried to succumb to the taint of the stereotype but, there have been occasions where the stereotype was true.  This is from my own personal experience.  I promise I won’t be racist or sexist… well, maybe a little bit sexist.

Last week I enjoyed gathering some opinion to include in my blog, so I am asking again for some experience and insight from my readers.  Have you had a run in with someone who lived up to their stereotype?  Again, lets not be racist.  I would love to hear from you!

Tune in Wednesday for my post and Friday for some friendly banter from me and Skip!

Robyn’s Rant: Fifty Shades of Effed Up


I saw the movie.

I did.  I sat through all 125 minutes of it, too.  I surprised myself by not leaving, but I was determined.  I have to admit that I still don’t quite get the appeal.  It was poorly written, had terrible dialogue, and had much less sex appeal than a decent porno.  I will say this though: To everyone who thinks it is about rape, you’ve got it all wrong.  There was nothing in that movie that wasn’t consensual.

Rape is defined as: unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

Ana consents to everything Christian Grey does to her. So, no, I cannot agree that it is about rape.  Got that?  It is not about rape.

It is about an abusive, controlling, manipulative, masochistic relationship.

And by abuse, I don’t mean what goes on in the pleasure room, which, by the way, is pretty terrifying. It looks like a fancy meat locker. Seriously, ladies? Is that what you want? That guy is super fucking creepy.

So, how is it abusive? He has to control her every minute of every day. What she eats, drinks, wears. He follows her across the country, watches her, and STALKS her. Tells her that she is HIS. It is infuriating. And she falls for it. Why? Because she is naive and DUMB and doesn’t know any better. In fact, she reminded me of a little girl. AND she says about one page worth of lines the entire movie. NONE of which really tells us who she is or anything about her. So, yeah the writing sucks, but we already knew that.

But it’s just a movie, right? People aren’t taking it seriously, right?

If they weren’t, I wouldn’t be ranting about it.

Ladies. This story is about a mentally-abusive, controlling man who admits that he is fucked up. I know what you see. You see a sexy billionaire who can be changed. You couldn’t be more wrong.

And now for some advice: YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANYONE!

I finally get it. I get what those who like this movie/book see. Your fantasy is to change this man. Admit it. Ana tries, in fact, there are two other books so I am sure it only gets worse. Everything he does, every sweet gesture he makes is to get her right where he wants her. And she lets him.

Also, with the way the movie is edited or filmed or whatever, I really believe that it is not for the ladies. Because:

1. You never see penis. I have a real problem with this.  I don’t want to stare at vagina the whole movie, and most women don’t.

2. Ana doesn’t speak most of the movie. She is an object and is treated as such.

3. There is also no depth to her character. We hardly know anything about her, therefore, there is no story. Just a body and a pretty face

4. There are man-toys galore. I don’t mean sex toys, I mean airplanes and helicopters and cars, cars, cars. Again, not sexy; but the men like it, I’m sure.


Enough said.

I decided to reach out to my readers and see what their thoughts are about this hot topic. Here are some of the comments I received from both men and women:

“I’ve read the first book and I refuse to see the movie or read the other two books. Grey is a twisted, misogynist a-hole, I don’t need to waste more time on his story.”

“Read the books, will not see the movie. Poorly written, one-dimensional characters, non-steamy sex scenes. Grey is pretty much of a shallow, misogynistic dickhole. But that’s just my opinion…”

“Condones domestic violence and the ever present sexism and degrading of women. Written by someone who has the literary grasp of a third grader and directed by someone who realized he could exploit the violent and dominant nature that millions of Americans love oh so much.. ”

“You know, it’s just a pretty typical romance novel. I mean, its a little less subtle about its demons, aka the rampant chauvinism and objectification of women, but I just think the author was a bored housewife who dreamed of being dominated by a weird, obsessed man who wanted to put his pinky in her butt. I think people just forget that the world is filled with all kinds.”


“For me, if you can see the problems that this book is showing but you still like it and it makes you hot then fantastic. But I worry for everyone who really knows nothing of the bdsm lifestyle outside of this book and are going to take this book as fact and put themselves in a place where they are likely to be abused or manipulated. And that is not OK.”

“It’s a book. I don’t understand why people need to make such a big deal about it. My husband and I enjoyed it. We enjoyed the story for what it was worth…. A story. I think the people who have never read it and have some sort of issue with it are prudes. Get over it. And if sex makes a person uncomfortable then don’t read it. Problem solved. And if consenting adults try some kinky fuckery in the privacy of their own home and get hurt then they are the idiots who believed they could learn it from a fictional book.”

“An interesting topic I’ve seen articles on is the reality of BDSM versus it’s portrayal in the books and how the books are purporting an outdated and downright unhealthy image of it.”

Oh, and check out how awkward this is. Her own mom won’t go see it:

I just read an article about how a woman was arrested for masturbating in a theater to the movie. Really? With all the internet porn we have these days in the privacy of your own home? Sounds like there is something really wrong with this woman. And the movie is not that sexy. OK, OK, there is one moment with an ice cube that had me intrigued but that’s about all.

I talked to the manager of the movie theater afterwards because I was curious on a couple of other fronts. I had to ask if he had caught anyone masturbating. He said no, much to my relief. I then asked him what sort of audiences is he seeing. He said mostly college age girls and couples and occasionally a mother/daughter. Sigh.

So there you go. The movie is man-ified so that girls can get their husbands/boyfriends to go see it. It is about an abusive relationship and is not worth wasting anyone’s time. And it is being glorified in theaters around the world.

If I had any advice for Christian Grey, I would say he needs some serious counseling. Not for his sex fetish (hey, we all have our fetishes), but for his constant need for control. That is the most disturbing part about the whole damn thing.

It really is Fifty Shades of Fucked Up.


Tune in Friday for Skippy’s response.


Robyn’s Rant This Week on Ask Us


Hello and Happy Monday!

If you tuned in last week to read my She Says, you will know that I am taking on Fifty Shades of Grey this week from a more informed perspective.  That’s right, I have been gathering opinion and I will be going to see the movie this very afternoon.

I am sure I will have plenty to rant about.

Meanwhile, you can write in anonymously to Ask Us if you want to share your opinion with me.  If you want me to quote you, make sure you give me permission in your comments.  I will not use any names in my piece.  I would appreciate it if you kept your “I can’t believe you are going to pay money to see this movie” comments to a minimum.  I have a free pass so I am not spending anything. If I have to walk out of the theater then so be it, but I will do my best to stay and watch all 125 minutes of Fifty Shades with an open mind.

Tune in Wednesday for my post and then Friday for Skippy’s response. Wish me luck!