Blast From The Past: Too Much Sex????

Way back in the day when we had to walk up hill to get to the internet Robyn and Skippy kicked off this blog.  Now we still have to walk up hill to get to the internet.  At least that’s what we tell all the kids.  Our new website will be even further up hill than this on is and you can find us in the future over at He Said / She Said.

Until then the blast from the past this week is our very first question ever.

Dear Robyn and Skippy;

Here is what my love life currently looks like: Awkward small talk, lust, sex, sex, sex, small talk, some more sex. Dry spell. Repeat.

This is how I one day envision my love life: Commitment, trust, honesty, LOOOOOOOVE, sex (lots of sex), marriage, maybe babies.

Too Much Sex in Fort Collins

You’ll notice distinct differences, and some areas that are not so different. Here is the thing, I don’t think what I am doing is wrong. I don’t feel the guilt, shame, depression, or any of those things people say you will feel if you just casual have sex. Its not wrong! Its gratifying, joyful, and a great way to kill some time. I usually have one partner for a month or two, before life becomes complicated and we naturally move apart. I always use protection, and I know my partners well in the friendship lite variety. I don’t sleep with everyone I meet, and I stick to my standards (though lust has a way of shifting them.) I’ve met some great people, had some great times, and made a lot of friends.

I’m drawn towards the casual, because in all honesty, I just haven’t met anyone that really meets my standards AND pulls on my passionate lust strings. I think I’m a catch, but a girl has certain needs. Also, let me be honest with myself, commitment is terrifying to me. I’ll admit it. Love opens you up to a world of pain that casual sex can’t even fathom. I would much rather rush into sex, than a committed relationship.

However, like anything, the coin has two sides. Casual sex also means casual emotions, for me. Though I do feel like sex is an expression of intimacy, I am definitely not as attached or connected to my partners as much as would be needed to have a relationship. Its not an intimacy of emotion or sharing after all, just the expression of it through the physical means. I may even go so far as to say, I look for people I can be casual with in order to forgo any emotional intimacy. I build strong walls.

Basically, I feel like I’m setting up bad habits. Someday, I am going to want a strong connection of love, and I’m afraid I just won’t know where to start after all the casual expressions of love; I won’t know how to be intimate. I’m starting to worry those walls may become permanent, since they seem to be getting a lot of the energy I could put towards building something more permanent in my life.

What do you think? Do you think I’m dooming myself even though I’m enjoying what I’m doing? That I won’t even be able to SEE a good man if he comes my way, adrift as I am in all the mediocre? Does rushing into sex too soon hurt the chances of making a mental connection, or is all that “WAITING” stuff purely propaganda? Does emotional intimacy need to come before physical? Does taking the easy road mean I won’t be ready for the hard road? Like I said, as far as saying no and building the real deal, I don’t even know where to start!

Sincerely,

At a Crossroads

Read Robyn’s response here: She Says: You Won’t Go Blind

Read Skippy’s response here: He Says: Time To Choose Your Destination

But for now leave your comments below. What do you think?

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